4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
