I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
