my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
