Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
