So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
