There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
