just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
