His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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