life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
