Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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