Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
