I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Ketchup is God's man juice
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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