Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
