Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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