If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
