The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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