Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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