I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
