Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
