I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
