Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
