i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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