Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
