Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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