dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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