he wants to bone in the snuggie
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
