I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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