I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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