i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
All the doctor said was why
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
