i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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