i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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