I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
