Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
