They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
