So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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