You don't have asthma, your pregnant
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
