Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize