no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
