Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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