i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
