so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
