I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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