you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
