I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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