I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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