Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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