i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize