I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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