I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
