At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize