My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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