So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
