can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
