I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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