She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
