I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
