the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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