I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
