Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
