I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
