Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
