Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
