I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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