Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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