The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
