The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
