oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
