There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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