i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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