so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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