she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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