and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
