i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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