well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
