he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
