She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
