Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i out mim tonsoeep
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